Cosmo and Tails Meet the Incredible Hulk!
by TailsLovesCosmo
Summary: Tails is trying to reopen the doorway between Mobius and Earth. But when Cosmo activates his latest invention a little too soon, they're thrown into the Marvel Universe where they encounter...the Incredible HULK!
1. Chapter 1: Don't Touch That Dial!

Here's yet another alternate reality. This assumes that Cosmo returned to Tails. It also assumes that chapter one (and only chapter one) of How Not to Learn Hobbies happened. This'll probably be five or six chapters. An odd idea for a cross-over? Not when you consider Cosmo and the Hulk are both green…

COSMO AND TAILS MEET THE INCREDIBLE HULK!

Chapter One

"Don't Touch That Dial!"

Tails put down his acetylene torch and rubbed his eyes. He'd been working for hours on a way to reopen the portal between Mobius and Earth.

"I think you've done enough work for awhile," Cosmo said, bringing in a tray of lemonade and cookies. "You have to take care of yourself, honey."

Tails beamed at his girlfriend. He and Cosmo had suffered through more in the two years they'd known each other than most people had in a lifetime. "I don't need to," he kidded, "I have an angel to look after me."

"I'm not an angel," Cosmo said. She seemed to consider this. "Well, not anymore, anyway." Neither said anymore on the subject. That horrible time that Cosmo had been dead had nearly destroyed Tails.

Cosmo cleared her throat. "So, um…what are you working on now, Fuzzy Wuzzy?"

"Please don't call me that in front of other people," Tails said, blushing. He liked the pet name she'd come up with for him, but knew that Sonic and Knuckles and Amy would all kid him mercilessly about it.

"I'm working on a way to reconnect with Earth," Tails said, "it would be nice to hear from Chris and his friends again."

"I don't understand why it's so complicated," Cosmo said. "If you can build a space ship and super transform into Turbo Tails, why can't you get a time machine working?"

"Um…because flying and being energized by chaos emeralds is easier than manipulating the space/time continuum," Tails explained. "Anyway, I think I'm just about finished. Now, let's talk about us for awhile, my little Flower Princess."

"Why talk, Fuzzy Wuzzy?" Cosmo asked, kissing him. He wrapped his arms around her and returned the kiss. The world seemed brighter, the air fresher. They could almost hear birds singing.

They fed each other cookies and drank lemonade from the same cup. It was very sour, because Cosmo liked her lemonade that way. It made Tails pucker, which just encouraged Cosmo to kiss him again.

All too soon, Tails sighed and said, "I really should be getting back to work now."

"So soon?" Cosmo asked, pouting.

"I think I'll be finished today," Tails said.

"Good," Cosmo said, taking the tray back to the kitchen. "And I don't want you starting another project tonight!"

"Don't worry," Tails said. "I was thinking we might go to Twinkle Park tomorrow. Why don't you see if Sonic and Amy and Cream can come?"  
"That's wonderful!" Cosmo cried. "I haven't been there yet! Cream promised to take me on the Little Planet Ride!"

"Uh…yeah," Tails said. "That's a…well, Cream loves that ride!"

"Don't you like it, Fuzzy Wuzzy?" Cosmo asked.

"Well…a lot more than Shadow would," Tails said.

"Great girl," Tails said affectionately. "Don't know what I did to deserve her, but being with her should get me out of a few years of purgatory." He sighed, then returned to his work.

Cosmo washed the dishes, then swept out the kitchen. Then she went out into her garden. She came back inside an hour later, soaking wet. She had watered the lawn, all of her flowers, the vegetable garden, then, just for the fun of it, herself!

"Note to self: wear swimsuit the next time I do that!" Cosmo muttered as she went to her room to change. She hummed a happy tune. It was spring, the best time for being a plant, and she was happy to be alive and with the love of her life.

After dressing, Cosmo remembered to call her friends

"Hello! Cream speaking!"

"Cream!" Cosmo said. "Hi! Would you like to come with Tails and me tomorrow to Twinkle Park?"

"Oh boy!" Cream cried. "We'd love to, wouldn't we, Cheese?"

"Chao chao!"

"That means yes!" Cream said.

"Could you call Amy?" Cosmo asked. "I'm afraid she might still be angry at me because of what happened on the tennis court."

"Sure!" Cream said. "I'll call you back later, Cosmo! Bye-bye!"

"Bye-bye, Cream!" Cosmo said. She hung up the phone, then decided to see how Tails was doing.

He was still working on his latest invention, and talking to himself as he worked. "This should do it! Yeah! I think I've finally got it! Just a few more last minute adjustments, and…"

"What does this switch do, honey?" Cosmo asked, resting her hand on his invention.

"No! Tails cried, as Cosmo's hand accidentally bumped the switch.

The machine started to glow with emerald energy. "Tails!" Cosmo cried. "What have I done this time?"

"I was still adjusting it!" Tails cried, grabbing her and spinning his tails to get them away from the machine. "It's supposed to chaos control…"

There was a blinding flash. When it cleared, they could both see that they were…elsewhere.

"Tails?" Cosmo cried. "Is this where Chris lives?"

"No!" Tails said, looking around. "This looks like a desert!"

The flash had not been unnoticed.

"General Ross!" Major Glenn Talbot cried as he hurried towards his commanding officer, General Thaddeus "Thunderbolt" Ross."

"What is it, Major?" General Ross demanded. "Well, man , speak up!"

"Sir!" Major Talbot said. "There was a sudden release of an unknown type of energy not far from here!"

"We're hunting the Hulk, Major, not UFOs!"

"But sir, surveillance has picked up two figures in the desert. One of them is green!"

"Blast it, man! Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"But, General! I tried!" Talbot said. But the general had already raced off. He hurried to follow him.

"Well!" General Ross demanded of his lead scientist. "Is it the Hulk?"

"This is going to sound crazy, General, but we seemed to have picked up…well, see for yourself, sir!"

"What is this?" General Ross demanded, looking through the scope the doctor had just indicated. "I never did like surpri…What the devil?!?"

"So I'm not imagining it, Sir?" the doctor asked. "You see them too?"

"What?" Major Talbot asked. "What is it, Sir?"

"Tell me what _you _see, Major!" General Ross demanded.

Major Talbot looked through the scope. "What the…?"

"Well?" the general said. "Come, come, man! Out with it! What does that look like to you?!"

"It's…well, it's a…some kind of dog-like creature, no, a fox! A fox with…two tails?! And with it is a…a little green girl?"

"Mutants!" General Ross cried. "Disgusting freaks, no doubt created by the same gamma bomb that turned my best scientist, Bruce Banner, into that monstrosity that calls itself the Hulk!"

"Wha-what do you want done about them, General?" Major Talbot asked.

"If there are two, then there are bound to be more!" General Ross said. "I want them captured immediately!"

"Yes, Sir!" Major Talbot said, saluting.

But Tails and Cosmo had no idea any of this was happening. Tails was trying to figure out how to fix his invention, which was smoking now.

"I'm so sorry, Tails!" Cosmo said.

"It's okay," Tails said. "I just need a few more minutes to…"

"Tails! What's that?!?" Cosmo asked, pointing. "You never told me anything like that was on Earth!"

"Huh?" Tails said, looking up from his work. "What do you…What IS that?!?"

What Cosmo had noticed was a huge green…something, rocketing through the sky. Tails looked up just as it landed in front of them. It was huge! About three times their height. Broader than Big the Cat or Doctor Eggman. Green in color. And looking very confused.

"Huh? This is crazy! Hulk thinks he sees little green girl and talking puppy dog!"

To be hulktinued!


	2. Chapter 2: EnterThe HULK!

COSMO AND TAILS MEET THE INCREDIBLE HULK!

Chapter Two

"Enter…The HULK!"

Tails stepped in front of Cosmo. "Get ready to run!" he hissed. "I'll try to hold him off!"

"Tails, no!" Cosmo begged. "You wouldn't stand a chance against him!" She started to twist her amulet.

"Hulk doesn't know what's going on," the giant said slowly, "but Hulk doesn't like people talking about him like he isn't there! No, you aren't people! Why is puppy dog talking?"

"I'm not a puppy dog!" Tails said. "I'm a fox!"

The jade behemoth glared down at him. "Hulk says you are puppy dog, you are puppy dog!!!"

"Ah heh! Okay, you win!" Tails said nervously. "I'm a puppy dog!"

"Hah!" the monster said, nodding as if he'd just solved a complicated puzzle. "Nobody can fool Hulk, 'cause Hulk is too smart!"

He stared past Tails. Tails swallowed hard. If this creature tried to hurt Cosmo, he'd die defending her.

"Jarella?" the Hulk asked. "No. Jarella was woman. You are little girl. Green like Hulk. How?"

"Um…I am Cosmo," Cosmo said, bowing. "I am from…another planet."

The Hulk seemed very interested in this. "You're from another planet? Can you take Hulk to someplace where he won't be hunted or hounded?"

Cosmo bit her lip. "I'm sorry," she said. "My spaceship crashed, and all of my people are gone. I'm alone. Except for Tails."

"Huh?" the Hulk said, looking at Tails like he'd just now noticed him. He apparently had a very poor memory. "You have two tails! Monster puppy dog! Get away from little Jarella, monster puppy dog!"

"What?" Tails cried. Good grief! This big oaf thought _he_ was going to hurt Cosmo!

"No!" Cosmo cried, stepping in front of Tails now. "Please don't hurt my fuzzy-wuzzy!"

"Fuzzy-Wuzzy?" The Hulk said. He rubbed his head. "Hulk's head hurts now. He just wants to rest. But army never lets Hulk rest. Never leave Hulk in peace. Soldiers will come. Tanks. Planes. They will try to shoot Hulk. Try to kill him! They can't hurt Hulk! Hulk is strongest one of all! But bullets might hurt little Jarella! Might shoot her! Little Jarella might die! Just like Jarella!"

He moved fast for such a huge creature. He snatched Cosmo up and started to walk away with her.

"Hey!" Tails cried, chasing him. "Give Cosmo back! You-you-you big bully!" He kicked the Hulk's ankle. "Ow!" This guy's muscles were as hard as steel!

"Stupid puppy dog!" the Hulk grunted. "Nothing can hurt Hulk!"

"Yeah, I see your point!" Tails said, rubbing his foot as he hopped on the other one. "Ow ow ow!"

Meanwhile, back on Mobius, Doctor Eggman checked his scanners.

"Well, well! A huge upsurge of energy was just released, right about where Sonic and his do-gooder friends are!" the obese scientist said, stroking his ridiculously large orange mustache. "It appears to be very similar to chaos control. Hmm. That's very interesting! Bokkun!"

"Uh…yes, Sir?" his weird little messenger robot cried, saluting. He had been coloring pictures in a black and white manga comic.

"Somebody just used chaos control, or something very close to it," the fat man said. "I want you to go to these coordinates, and bring me back anything you find that's out of the ordinary."

"What would be out of the ordinary?" Bokkun asked. He wasn't very bright.

"What are you, insane?" Eggman demanded. "If you see anything weird, bring it back! If it's too big, or it's nailed down or something, bring me back pictures! Now get out of my sight, you clanking nincompoop!"

"Hee hee hee! You just said…"

"Now, you idiot!" Eggman yelled, throwing a wrench at the little robot.

"Okay, okay, sheesh!" Bokkun said, flying away. What a grouch!

And, back on Marvel Earth, another equally brilliant, but equally twisted mind was also extremely interested in what was happening. This man was as green as the Hulk or Cosmo. He was short and thin, with a grotesquely enlarged cranium.

"So, the Hulk has settled in the same area of the desert that my equipment detected an extraordinarily powerful influx of unknown energy," this man said. "I have no idea why such a brainless gargoyle would even care about such an event, but it certainly attracts the attention of the Leader! I believe I shall look into this!" He snapped his fingers. A huge robot approached. "Pick me up," he said. The robot, completely mindless, obeyed. The leader directed it to take him to the Hulk.

And, finally before we return to our heroes, let's see what General Ross is doing.

"Blast it!" Ross cried, pounding his fist on a table. "I can't believe it never occurred to me before! When Bruce Banner was subjected to gamma rays, he became a mutant! The desert is full of creatures! Coyotes, badgers, bobcats, gila monsters! Any of them could have mutated!"

"Good grief, General!" Major Talbot cried. "It would be like every giant animal movie from the 1950s and '60s! Tarantula! Them! Kingdom of the Spiders!"

"Blast it, man, I never had much time for movies!" the general said. "I just want them captured and dealt with! If necessary, we'll tear the entire area apart, looking for more monsters!"

"Sir, the ecological implications could be catastrophic!" came a voice.

"Eh? Who the devil are you?" General Ross demanded.

"Captain Tanaka, Sir!" the scientist said, saluting.

"Well, Captain Tanaka, I don't need any bleeding heart hippies whining about how what I do isn't 'groovy!' This is serious, blast it! We could have an infestation of mutant man eaters!"

"Sir, please," Captain Tanaka said. "We have a new device that might be able to detect any such mutations without causing Mother Earth any real harm! We're developing a special drilling device."

"You don't think I'm aware of that, Captain Tanaka, and if you say anything more, it'll be lieutenant!" the general yelled. "Who's the pilot of the drill?"

"Uh…I am, Sir!" Captain Tanaka said. "Permission to explore the area, Sir!"

"Permission granted, Captain, and if you fail me, that's the last time anyone will call you that!" General Ross turned and stormed off.

"Watch what you say around the general, Captain Tanaka," Major Talbot said, following the general. "He can bust you down to a lot lower than lieutenant, you know!"

"Y-yes, Sir, Major Talbot, Sir!"

Okay, all of our characters have entered the story. Let's get back to our stars now, shall we?

The Hulk had carried Cosmo into a cave. Tails, terrified for his girlfriend's safety, had followed. He could hear jets overhead. If they were hunting the Hulk, then there was a very good chance that Tails and Cosmo really were in a great deal of danger. Maybe the Hulk was tough enough to survive an aerial assault, but he had lost Cosmo once to gunfire. He'd die before he watched it happen again!

"Puppy dog!" the Hulk yelled. "Watch over little Jarella! Keep her safe! Hulk will bring her food." He jabbed his finger in Tails' direction. "If little Jarella gets hurt while Hulk is gone, Hulk will smash you!" He turned and stomped away.

"Oh, Tails! What are we going to do?" Cosmo asked. "He keeps calling me by his dead girlfriend's name! I-I think he's convinced himself I'm their daughter or something!"

"Don't worry, Cosmo!" Tails said, taking his invention and applying a screwdriver to it. "If I can fix this, I can get us out of here before anything really serious happens!" I hope!

Outside, the Hulk chased a rabbit. It plunged into a hole and disappeared. "Stupid bunny!" he roared, pounding the ground with his massive fist. "Hulk can't go back to little Jarella without food!" He had no idea that Cosmo would have been horrified to have been offered a rabbit to eat. After all, her best friend, Cream, was a rabbit.

"Major Talbot!" a pilot called in. "Have spotted the Hulk! He appears to be digging a hole, Sir!"

"What?" Major Talbot cried. "That doesn't make sense! Do not engage! We'll give Captain Tanaka a chance to use his new toy! Don't get close enough for the Hulk to notice you!"

But the Hulk had already noticed. "Planes! Always planes and tanks and soldiers and guns! Always they attack Hulk! But no more! Now, Hulk fights back!" Forgetting that he was searching for food, the world's mightiest leg muscles flexed. The monster leaped high into the air, smashing one wing of the jet.

"Bailing out!" the pilot cried. The Hulk watched him drift away on his parachute.

"Hah! Puny humans think they can beat Hulk! But Hulk showed that one! He won't attack the Hulk again!" He scratched his head as he came down for a landing that shook the ground and drove him several inches into the desert. "Now, what was it that Hulk was supposed to be doing again? Hah! Hulk remember now! Hulk was looking for food for little Jarella!"

As the Hulk continued to search, he had no idea that the Leader's robot had reached the spot where the explosion had taken place. As he was examining the area, he noticed a small spot. It was like a tiny hole in the sky. Looking through, he could see a laboratory.

"Unbelievable!" the mad genius cried. "Unless I miss my guess, I am looking into an entirely different dimension! A dimension without the Hulk! A dimension ripe for plucking!"

But on the other side, Bokkun was busily taking pictures. He snapped one of the wormhole. "I don't know what that is, but it sure is weird! And the doctor wants weird! Well, of course he does, he's the weirdest guy I know! Hahahahahah!"

"I heard that!" came Eggman's voice from the camera.

"Hey!" Bokkun cried. "You bugged my camera!"

"Quiet, you ninny!" Eggman said. "I've been observing your pictures, and I do believe you've just shown me a peephole into another dimension! A dimension without Sonic and his ridiculous crew! One ripe for the plucking! Ho ho ho! I'm on my way there now!"

The hole in space hadn't been noticed by Tails or Cosmo because it was fluctuating from the about the size of a donut hole to the size of a hula hoop. But each time it expanded, it grew less. Clearly, it was slowly closing. If Tails and Cosmo didn't find it and get through it soon, it would be too late. And since Tails didn't know exactly how it had been opened in the first place, it could take years to make another.

The Leader was analyzing the wormhole when Eggman showed up on the other side. They both happened to peep through at the same time.

"Ahh! An eyeball!" Eggman cried.

"Someone's looking through from the other side!" the Leader said. "What a momentous occasion! Come, my friend! Come and say hello to your Leader!"

To be Hulktinued!


	3. Chapter 3: An Evil Alliance

COSMO AND TAILS MEET THE INCREDIBLE HULK!

Chapter Three

"An Evil Alliance"

"Captain Tanaka reporting, Major Talbot!"

"I read you, Captain Tanaka," Glenn Talbot said. "Where are you?"

"Approximately five hundred yards from where the Hulk was detected, Sir!" Tanaka said. "I am cutting speed. Don't want him to hear me coming!"

"Don't be a hero, Tanaka!" Major Talbot said. "The Hulk could crush you like a grape!"

"I assure you, Sir," Captain Tanaka said, "I have no interest in being crushed! Tanaka out!"

"Well, Talbot?" General Ross said, coming into the radio room. "Any word from that bookworm?"

"He's about five hundred yards from the Hulk, General!" Talbot said. "What do we do with those mutants if we catch them?"

"Why, dissect them, of course, man!" General Ross said. "What did you think we were going to do with them, play tiddlywinks?" He rolled his eyes. "How you ever reached the rank of major, I will never know, Talbot!" He charged out of the room. Sometimes the general acted like a grey-haired spoiled kid.

"What is humming in Hulk's ears?" the Hulk said. He had given up on the rabbit, and was carrying some desert plants back to Cosmo. "Sounds like…like…like something. Hulk almost had it. Why is it so hard for Hulk to think?"

Meanwhile, Doctor Eggman was trying to cover up his embarrassment at yelling when he'd seen someone staring at him. "Ho ho ho! I am Doctor Julian "Ivo" Robotnik, but you can call me Doctor Eggman! I got the name from that old Beatle song, you know, "I Am the Walrus?"

"With that ridiculous mustache, I would have thought you'd call yourself the Walrus!" the Leader said.

"Come on the other side of that wormhole and say that to my face, skinny!" Eggman said, punching the air like a drunken boxer.

"How crude!" the Leader said. "Your call yourself a doctor? You're a buffoon!"

"Buffoon am I?" Eggman demanded.

"You called, Boss?" Bokkun cried.

"Not you, nitwit!" Eggman cried. "Look, big head, I'll have you know that I have a three hundred I.Q.! Pretty impressed now, aren't you?"

"Really?" the Leader said. "And do you have psychic powers like mine?" He caused a rock to levitate.

"No, doggonit!" Eggman yelled. "And I want them, I want them, I want them!"

"He's an idiot," the Leader thought, "but if he built those robots I can see, then he may be of use to me!" Out loud, he said, "I have a proposition for you, my friend."

"I'm listening!" Eggman said. To himself, he added, "He thinks I'm a buffoon, huh? Well, I'll lure him into a false sense of security, and then…Squish!"

At this same time, the Hulk was returning to where he'd hidden Cosmo. He grunted as he passed by Tails. He didn't know what the "puppy dog" was doing, but he didn't care. Thinking made his head hurt.

"Here, Little Jarella," the Hulk said in a surprisingly soft voice. "Hulk brought you food!" He half buried her with desert plants. Cosmo recognized some of them as good to eat. Since she wasn't sure of the rest, she placed them in a pile.

"Go on," the Hulk said, "Eat!" Cosmo was afraid to refuse, and started chewing on a plant she knew was safe. It sort of tasted like grass, but she'd had worse.

"Tails?" Cosmo called. "Would you like some?"

"No thanks," Tails said, still working to fix the machine so that he could get them out of there.

"Little Jarella says eat, puppy dog EAT!" the Hulk insisted.

"Okay!" Tails cried. "Puppy dog eat!"

"Hah! Hulk sure showed stupid puppy dog!" the Hulk said. He nodded his head as he saw them both eating, then sat down in the cave. He laid his head against the wall, shut his eyes. Tails and Cosmo looked at him, then at each other. If they tried to make a run for it, he might wake up and come after them. Tails was reasonably sure that the huge man wouldn't hurt Cosmo, but the fox would probably be pulped.

"Just give me maybe an hour, and I think I can get us home," Tails whispered. Cosmo nodded nervously.

The thing about the Incredible Hulk relaxing is that it can cause a startling effect on him. Such an effect took place now. Before Tails' and Cosmo's shocked eyes, the huge green creatures shrank and took on a normal skin tone. At last, a skinny little man with brown hair sat up with a start.

"Wh-where am I?" he cried. " Where has the Hulk left me this time? What…" He noticed Tails and Cosmo. "What the heck are you two?!?"

"Alright," Captain Tanaka said, as he cut his engine. "According to these scans, the Hulk is about thirty yards away. And the strange new energy seems to have moved to the same spot. So either the Hulk has whatever it was, and is carrying it around with him, or else it's following him! Fascinating! I must tell Lieutenant Speed about this! I'm so glad I came to America! No giant green monsters ever show up in Japan!"

Well, true believers, we could disagree with Captain Tanaka there, but Marvel lost the trademarks to Godzilla years ago, so we'll change the scene yet again, back to our two genius villains!

"Ow!" Eggman yelled as his robot tried to push him through the pinhole. Even at its largest size, however, it was a tight fit.

"Maybe if you weren't so…gargantuan!" Bokkun said, trying to pull his boss in from the other side.

"I'm not fat!" Eggman insisted. "I just have…big bones!"

"Yeah, and they're covered with big meat!" Bokkun said. Eggman finally came through, doing a belly flop that knocked the wind out of him.

The Leader shook his head. "If this is the greatest genius of that other dimension," he said to himself, "then conquering it will be child's play!"

"Oof!" Eggman said, finally struggling to his feet. "So…ow! So…what sort of opposition to taking over everybody can be found in this reality?"

"Among others," the Leader said, "a massive green imbecile called the Hulk!"

"Sounds like a big purple cat that sat on me once!" Eggman said, straightening out his mustache. "My major problem is a hedgehog who can go supersonic!"

"A…hedgehog?" the Leader said. "And a cat? Your enemies are animals?"

"Mutants with near human intelligence," Eggman said. He had never truly accepted animals as his equals. "And a weird little alien plant thingy that's the last of her kind. The rest were exterminated in an interstellar war."

"Ah, then there is the threat of alien invasion on your world?" the Leader said. "Yes, we've had difficulties with shape shifting green creatures that call themselves the Skrull. I believe they may be distantly reptilian, although I've never been able to catch one for study."

"Well, the Metarex were destroyed, they were plant cyborgs, you see, but there are these creatures called the Black Arms still out in space somewhere," Eggman said.

"Why am I humoring this moron?" the Leader asked himself. "His stupidity must be contagious!" Out loud, he said, "We should form an alliance. Help me to defeat my green foe, and I will aid you in your rodent problem!"

"Deal!" Eggman said, shaking the Leader's hand. "Ho ho ho!"

We'll see more of this evil alliance later, but for now, let's change the scene once more to the stars of our little story.

"I assure you, sir," Tails said to the confused skinny man, "Cosmo and I would like to leave your dimension as soon as we possibly can."

Doctor Bruce Banner scratched his head. "Okay," he said, "let me see if I have this straight. You're a mutant fox from an alternate future Earth, and your friend is a talking plant from another planet."

"I know when you put it that way, it sounds crazy, sir," Tails said, "but I assure you it's all true."

"Well, who am I to say?" Banner asked. "When I lose my temper, I turn into a mutant myself. And you say that device of yours opened up a wormhole from your world to this one? I vaguely remember doing something similar as the Hulk by clapping my hands very hard."

"Uh…okay," Tails said. "Anyway, I just need a little more time, and Cosmo and I will leave you and your alter ego alone, sir."

"I'm afraid I can't give you that time, my little friend!"

Tails gasped. "Mr. Tanaka?!?"

'That's Captain Tanaka! And finding Dr. Banner here instead of the Hulk makes my work a lot easier." He had a gun. "Now, if the three of you will be so kind as to raise your arms, and come with me, please? And Dr. Banner? I suggest you remain calm. I happen to know that it takes nearly a minute for you to change into your other self." He grinned. "I'll make major for this!"

Tails shook his head. The Tanaka of this world was nuts!

"We shall return to General Ross now," Captain Tanaka said. "Now, march, please!"

"I'm afraid that your promotion will not be taking place, my friend," came another voice.

"The Leader!" Dr. Banner cried. "And…I don't think I know you!"

"Doctor Eggman!" Cosmo cried.

"And Bokkun!" Bokkun added. "Come on! Everybody always forgets me!"

"Shut up, Bokkun!" Eggman and Tails both said at the same time.

"I said it first!" Eggman said.

"Enough of this!" the Leader cried. "Robot! Destroy Bruce Banner!"

"And my robot, destroy Tails and Cosmo!" While Eggman had had difficulty fitting through the wormhole, his robot had been able to transform and squeeze through much more easily.

"Oh my!" Major Tanaka said as the two giant robots approached. "My mother told me a should have gone into domestic service. Been a butler or something."

"You should have listened to her!" Tails said.

To be Hulktinued!


	4. Chapter 4: Leader Versus Eggman!

COSMO AND TAILS MEET THE INCREDIBLE HULK!

Chapter Four

"Leader Versus Eggman!"

"You'll never get away with this, Leader!" Bruce Banner insisted as the two villains forced him, Tails, and Cosmo to step into a strange round vehicle.

"Oh, but Doctor Banner, I already have gotten away with this!" the Leader said, pressing a button. The vehicle shot straight down into the ground, where it soon reached a tunnel system. He worked the controls on the instrument panel, and they were quickly on their way. Eggman's robot followed, while the Leader's robot began to walk out of the cave back to its master's lair with Captain Tanaka's drilling machine. Captain Tanaka, knocked out, lay inside on the floor with his glasses broken. He didn't move.

"Nice car!" Doctor Eggman said, making mental notes on how to steal the design. A doohickey like that could really come in handle some day.

"You two kids okay?" Bruce Banner asked Tails and Cosmo.

"I don't know," Cosmo said. "Doctor Eggman captures us all the time, but we've never met your enemy before. What sort of villain is he?"

"Why, my dear little alien," the Leader said, "I am the most brilliant mind in the world!"

"No, I am!" Eggman declared.

"Yeah!" Bokkun cried. "Go Eggman!"

"Don't embarrass me in front of the other evil genius, stupid!" Eggman hissed.

"So, Doctor Eggman," Tails said a few minutes later. "How does it feel to be working for somebody else?"

Eggman sputtered. "What?!? How dare you! I work only for number one, ME!"

"That's what you said when you were helping out the Metarex," Cosmo said, realizing Tails was trying to annoy Eggman into turning against the Leader. "But it was obvious that my father gave the orders! When you stopped obeying him, he had you locked away!"

Tails hated for Cosmo to refer to that maniac, Dark Oak as her father, but could see Eggman was about to lose it. "Maybe Eggy's scared," he suggested. "The Leader's robot is so much cooler looking than his is!"

"That's a lie!" Eggman yelled. "Mine is far superior to…"

"Stop letting those children manipulate you!" the Leader said. "Honestly, you act like you're not even as old as those two. How old are you two, anyway?"

"That's for us to know and you to find out!" Tails said.

"Your little friend's a plant, right?" the Leader asked. "I suppose I could always cut her open and count the rings!"

Tails let out a snarl and threw himself at the Leader. He seemed to hit a wall that no one could see. "Oof!" He fell on the floor.

"My mental powers are insurmountable!" the Leader cried. "None may touch my person!"

"There's one person that can get through your psychic ability, you maniac!" Bruce said. A vein was starting to stand out on his forehead.

"So you'd like to turn into the Hulk right here, wouldn't you, Doctor?" the Leader demanded. He pressed a button. A dart shot out of the instrument panel, striking Bruce in the chest. "Elephant tranquillizer, my friend. Good night!"

"You…lunatic!" Bruce moaned, falling over.

"What do you want, you monster?" Tails demanded.

"Why, what any self-respecting evil genius wants," the Leader said. "I want to be king of the world!"

"Ask a stupid question," Tails moaned.

Meanwhile, General Ross was having one of his usual fits. "Talbot! Where's that Tanaka? What's happening with the Hulk!"

"Captain Tanaka is no longer answering his radio, General!" Glenn Talbot said. "I suspect he's met with foul play, Sir!"  
"Blast it!" Thunderbolt Ross yelled, pounding his fist on a table. "Then send out the troops! We can't allow mutants to get away and start breeding with normal creatures!"

"And Captain Tanaka, Sir?" Major Talbot asked, picking up a phone.

"Tell them not to shoot at that crazy drill machine of his, obviously!" the general yelled. "Do I have to think of everything myself, Major?!?"

"No, Sir, General, Sir!" Major Talbot said. "All right, men! Get those planes in the air! Move out!"

Tails, Cosmo, and Bruce Banner were tied up at the Leader's lair. The leader's robot brought in Captain Tanaka. The Leader snorted.

"That one is beneath my notice," he said. "Just tie him up and throw him back into his drilling machine."

"You're going to be in big trouble, Mister!" Captain Tanaka said. "Just have your goon put me down for one minute, and I'll teach you a lesson in karate!" He squinted. "If I can find you!" he muttered.

"You look familiar," Eggman said. "Hmm. Somebody I met on that other Earth? Oh well, I'm sure it's not important!" He turned back to the Leader. "So, what's our next move?"

"The military will attack the Hulk and destroy him eventually," the Leader said. "But I intend to influence them to try harder." He gestured to his robot. "Transform into the likeness of the Hulk as you were programmed to do!"

The robot's head disappeared into its chest, its arms and legs following. The robot seemed to turn itself inside out. A new head and four limbs emerged. The robot was now nearly a perfect double of the Hulk. The face was expressionless, however.

"Oh, wow, Cool!" Bokkun said. "Hey, boss! How come your robots never do that? Ahh!" Eggman had just knocked the little robot into the wall.

"I told you before," the fat man hissed, "don't embarrass me in front of the other evil genius!" He turned to the Leader. "I think I can contribute quite nicely to this little scheme of yours!" he said. He gestured to his robot. "Robot, transform!"

Eggman's robot seemed to also turn itself inside out. Instead of becoming anyone recognizable, however, it turned into a very large baseball bat. "There," he said. "Now your Hulk has a nice weapon!"

The Leader smacked his forehead. "You're an idiot, seriously," he told Eggman.

Tails, who had had practice being kidnapped repeatedly by Eggman, had been working on untying Cosmo. He gave him a look that was meant to tell her, if he got her free, she should make a run for it. Cosmo gave him a look back that said she wasn't leaving without him.

Doctor Banner moaned. Everyone looked over at him. If he came to, this would be a whole different ball game. But Bruce just rolled over and went back to sleep.

Inside of his drill machine, Tanaka had managed to get loose. "Good thing I used to study Harry Houdini," he muttered. He took the controls of his drilling machine. "Time to get back to Hulkbuster Base and warn General Ross! I'll make major yet!"

"Father Goose, this is Red Dog Leader," came over the loudspeaker at the base. "Do you read me, Father Goose?"

"Father Goose here," Major Talbot said. "Red Dog Leader, you are cleared to begin strafing the area. But watch for a huge, bullet-shaped vehicle. It is not to be damaged!"

"Roger, Father Goose! Red Dog Leader out!" The lead plane headed towards where the Hulk had last been spotted, followed by ten other planes. At the same time, a dozen tanks rolled towards the same area.

After a bit of arguing, Eggman had finally turned his robot into a huge tree trunk, to make it seem more likely the sort of weapon a bestial monster like the Hulk might actually use.

"That's terrible!" Cosmo said. "Placing the blame for your evil on trees!"

"This actually is a plant creature!" the Leader cried, fascinated. "I think I _shall_ vivisect her!"

"What?" Cosmo asked, looking at Tails for a translation.

"I'll kill you if you try cutting her open!" Tails yelled, struggling furiously.

"Uh…I think I'll…monitor the progress of our robots," Eggman said, suddenly looking sort of green himself. Bokkun followed him.

"Boss," Bokkun whispered, "we're not really gonna let that big-head kill Cosmo, are we? She's about the only person that's ever been nice to me!"

"We need the Leader for now," Eggman hissed. "I'll tell you when it's time to turn against the fool!"

"Weakling!" the Leader cried. He mentally lifted Cosmo into the air and levitated her to a table. He lowered her onto it, then clicked the metal restraints closed.

"No!" Tails screamed. "Cosmo!" He had lost her before, seemingly forever. Only a true miracle had brought her back to him, and such miracles only happened once in a person's lifetime. But there was nothing Tails could do. Nothing. Except…"

Tails nudged Doctor Banner. If he could get him to wake up, get him to turn into the Hulk again… But Bruce Banner seemed to be really out of it.

"Red Dog Leader, this is Little Bo Peep," one plane announced. "Have spotted the Hulk. He's stomping along towards the base. Apparently he has an…an oak tree in his hand, sir. No idea how he found one of those out here in the desert, but…"

"The tree isn't important, Little Bo Peep," the head pilot told him. "All units, move in for strafing!"

"The robots are being shot at!" Eggman yelled. "Mine can take it, how about yours?"

"I find your incessant bragging to be quite annoying, Doctor," the Leader said. "Perhaps when I finish with this alien plant life form, I'll experiment on _you_ next!" He picked up a surgical scalpel.

"Bokkun," Eggman hissed, "get ready to attack that egomaniac at my command!"

"I know precisely what you're saying, Doctor Eggman!" the Leader said. He pointed his hand at Eggman. The fat man, despite his massive girth, went slamming into the wall of the lab.

"Okay, big-head, you asked for it!" Bokkun cried, winding up for an attack. "Bokkun…kic-whoa whoa whoa!" The Leader had lifted the little robot into the air, and was spinning him around in circles. He then tossed Bokkun into Eggman.

"Actually, I think I'll examine your weird little robot before I deal with you," the Leader said. "But first…" He turned to Tails. "Maybe I'll let you live, little talking fox, until everyone else is dead!"

As the Leader turned back to Cosmo, Tails, in desperation, bit Doctor Banner.

"Wha--mphr?" Tails had covered Bruce Banner's mouth with one of his tails.

"The Leader's going to kill us all unless you do something…now!" Tails hissed desperately.

"But I can't…" Bruce whispered. "I can't control the Hulk!"

"You have to try, please!" Tails begged, tears rolling down his face. "He's going to kill Cosmo! I don't want to live without her!"

"Cosmo?" Bruce said. "Yes, the little green girl. She…she reminds me, reminds _us_ of Jarella. Jarella! She loved me and him! The only one who ever did ! And she's dead now!" His eyes turned green. "Dead and buried! Because of maniacs like _you_, Leader!" He was shouting now.

"No!" the Leader cried, dropping his scalpel on the floor. "You shouldn't be awake already!" He turned to his instrument panel. But it was already too late.

Bruce Banner was gone. In his place stood…The Incredible HULK!

To be Hulktinued!


	5. Chapter 5: The Power Of The Hulk!

COSMO AND TAILS MEET THE INCREDIBLE HULK!

Chapter Five

"The Power of the Hulk!"

"Leader!" the Hulk yelled. "Get away from little Jarella, or Hulk kill!"

The Leader placed his hands on his head and tried to take over the Hulk's mind. "Surrender, you brainless monstrosity! Your Leader commands you!"

"Get out of Hulk's head!" the monster roared. He clapped his hands together, creating a massive sonic boom. The entire building shook. The psychic backlash caused the Leader to collapse.

"Little Jarella is unhurt?" the Hulk asked, shattering the restraints that held Cosmo.

"Just scared!" Cosmo said. "Thank you!" She gave the Hulk a hug.

"Puppy dog!" the Hulk yelled at Tails. "Get little Jarella out of here! Hulk will smash this whole place into the ground!"

"Gladly!" Tails cried. He grabbed Cosmo, spun his tails, and flew off.

"Be careful, Mister Hulk!" Cosmo cried.

"Bah! Hulk _must_ be going crazy!" the Hulk yelled. "Puppy dogs can't fly!"

Eggman, realizing the Leader had turned against him, decided to try to con the Hulk, who obviously wasn't very bright. "Thank goodness you stopped that horrible Leader!" he cried. "He tried to kill us all!"

"Huh?" the Hulk said. "Who are you, flabby mustache man?"

Eggman made a face. "'Flabby mustache man?!?'" He took a deep breath. "I am the marvelous Doctor Eggman, world famous genius with an I.Q. of 300! I have degrees in some of the finest schools in the world! Two worlds, actually, Mobius and an alternate reality Earth, which is where I originally came from. Which is an interesting story in itself! And I…"

"Flabby mustache man talks too much!" the Hulk said, turning back towards the Leader. "Huh? Leader is gone!"

"And so am I!" Eggman yelled, making a run for it.

"Wait for me, boss!" Bokkun cried, flying after him.

The Hulk shook his head. "Everybody is crazy now!" Shrugging, the Hulk started to trash the lab.

Cosmo looked back over her shoulder. "Do you think the Hulk will be all right, Tails?" she asked.

"I'm sure he will be," Tails said. "I'm just so thankful that _you're_ all right! I was so scared!"

"Me too!" Cosmo said. "But you shouldn't worry about me. I _do_ have a few powers of my own that I can use if I have to."

"Wish I did," Tails said. He was smart, and he could fly, and that was pretty much it.

"You're a genius," Cosmo reassured him. "You don't need any other powers."

Meanwhile, the army was attacking the Hulk robot. The robot used Eggman's machine to smash a tank, then another. Planes strafed the two robots. The fake Hulk threw the other robot at the plane. BOOM!

The Leader's robot caught Eggman's robot and continued its attack.

"That'll be quite enough of that!" Eggman suddenly said, pressing a button on a control panel he had with him.

The tree robot suddenly grew branches and trapped the Hulk robot.

"Something crazy's going on around here!" one of the jet pilots said over his radio. "That tree is attacking the Hulk!"

"What?!?" General Ross yelled. "Are you drinking while on duty, soldier!"

"No, General," Major Talbot said, watching the scene through field binoculars. "He's right! That tree seems to be some sort of robot!"

"Blast it!" General Ross yelled. "How did the Hulk end up with a robot?!?"

"Wait! There's something strange about the Hulk, sir!" Major Talbot cried. "There's something shiny out there, but it's not from the robot! It's…General! That's not the Hulk!"

"What?!?" General Ross cried, grabbing the binoculars. "Let me see that!" He glared through the lenses. "I don't see any-Thunderation!" A bullet had scraped the paint off of the Hulk robot's shoulder, and sun was reflecting off of gleaming metal. "Confound it! Who's behind all this?!?"

"I'm guessing the Leader, Sir!" Major Talbot suggested. "He's become obsessed with beating the Hulk. Probably thought he'd have his robot attack us until we had all of our forces after the robot. Then it would run off and we'd go after the real Hulk!"

"And while we were after him, the Leader would just waltz in and take over the base!" General Ross yelled. "Blast it! And where's that drill operator, Captain what's his name?"

"Captain Tanaka?" Major Talbot said. "Probably a prisoner of the Leader, Sir!"

"Then the Leader has our new drill!" General Ross shouted. "Well, don't just stand there and wait until you take root, Major! Have the tanks pull back to base, and the jets shoot down that robot! Do I have to think of everything, dad blast it!"

"Yes, Sir! No, Sir!" Major Talbot cried.

Captain Tanaka looked at his scanners. A huge object was moving just above him. "It must be the Hulk!" he thought. "If I can use the drill to defeat him, I can still make myself look impressive to the general!"

"Father Goose, this is Red Dog Leader," came the head pilot. "We have spotted your drill machine. It just came up out of the ground, and is now set to engage the Hulk!"

"What?" Major Talbot cried. "It wasn't designed for combat!" He tried to call the machine. "Captain Tanaka! Do not, repeat, do not engage the enemy! That isn't even the real Hulk!"

But Captain Tanaka had already set his machine to attack. "Bonzai!" he yelled, as the drill struck the Hulk robot from behind. Both robot and drill machine shook violently. Metal on metal contact set up a shower of sparks.

"I think I might want to get out of here now!" Captain Tanaka decided. He threw open the cockpit door and climbed onto the top of the drill device. Just before he jumped, he noticed the drill was bent and the "Hulk's" back was broken open.

"A robot!" he cried, jumping. He started running towards the base.

The Hulk robot managed to get the drill machine out of its back. Sparks flew from it. Eggman's robot pulled it off its feet. The advantage was now with the "tree." It tore the hole in the other robot's back further open. It would soon have destroyed it, except for what happened next.

When the Hulk finished trashing the Leader's lair, he'd leaped through the ground back onto the desert. He noticed the planes shooting at something. "Always the soldiers attack! What are they fighting now?" He noticed it was large and green. "Huh? Can't be!" The mightiest leg muscles in the world coiled then propelled the green gargantuan into the air. The Hulk landed right next to the Hulk robot.

"Everything keeps getting crazier and crazier!" he yelled. "How can another Hulk be here?!?" Then he saw broken metal and wiring. "A robot! Leader made Hulk robot! Told it to fight soldiers! Make soldiers angry at Hulk!" The real Hulk rushed at the robot duplicate, and was attacked by Eggman's robot.

"Now _tree_ attacks Hulk?" the big man yelled. "No more! Too many crazy things happening today!" The Hulk proceeded to smash the tree robot to pieces. As he was doing that, the Hulk robot managed to regain its feet. It turned towards the real Hulk and attacked.

"Now fake Hulk wants to fight real Hulk?" the green giant cried. "Good! At least this is something Hulk understands!" He smashed the robot's damaged shoulder in with a ham-sized fist. Then he tore off the robot's arm. Within moments, he had completely dismantled it.

"Only Hulk is Hulk!" he roared, waving his arms over his head. "And Hulk is strongest one of all!"

"Bokkun!" Eggman yelled. "We have to get back to the portal and return to our own dimension!" He stopped when he saw the little robot staring at a rabbit.

"Hey, you look like Cream!" Bokkun said. "Hi!"

Eggman smacked his forehead. "Seriously, why did I make you? Must have been drunk that day." He grabbed Bokkun and started running.

"Tails!" Cosmo cried as he flew towards the explosion that had sent them into this dimension. "Where are you going? We need to help poor Mister Hulk!"

"Cosmo," Tails said, "the Hulk doesn't need our help. He's stronger than Knuckles."

"Yes, but, he's not very…you know," Cosmo said. "He needs somebody to take care of him."

Tails sighed. "We can't bring him back with us, and we can't stay here," Tails said at last. "But I guess we can try to help him escape, since he saved you."

Cosmo smiled. "Thank you, Tails!" she said.

Tails flew towards where the Hulk had leaped. "She has me wrapped around her little finger," he said to himself. "And I like it that way!"

The planes had begun to attack the real Hulk now.

"Stupid planes! Come down here where Hulk can hit you!"

"Father Goose!" the lead pilot reported. "Are now engaging the real Hulk, Sir!"

"Red Dog Leader," Major Talbot said, "Be ready to pull back and return to base. We believe the Leader may be on his way here!"

"Quite correct, my dear major!" Major Talbot and General Ross heard those words, not with their ears, but with their minds. "The Leader never comes with only one plan!"

"Where is he?" General Ross raged, looking about him. "Where the devil is that freak?"

Eggman and Bokkun had finally found the portal home. Bokkun got through it, but when Eggman followed, he quickly realized he was stuck.

"Aughh! Bokkun! Help! Get me loose!" Eggman shrieked.

"Um…it's a good time to go on a diet, boss!" the little robot suggested.

Captain Tanaka reached the base and was quickly taken to the general.

"Well, Captain?" Major Talbot demanded. "What have you to report?"

"The Leader is definitely behind this, Sir," Captain Tanaka said, saluting. "And he has a new partner, I believe. A grotesquely fat man with a huge, bright orange mustache."

"Sounds like my uncle," Major Talbot said. "He's the oddball of the family."

"Talk about your relatives on your own time, Major!" General Ross said. "Find the Leader!"

The wall of the radio room suddenly exploded. A huge exoskeleton appeared. The Leader was wearing it like a suit. "Oh, I'm right here, General Ross! Miss me?" His hand became a machine gun. "Because I promise I won't miss you!"

To be Hulkluded!


End file.
